Sunday, October 31, 2004
Thursday - Cell group day! Yay! I'm always majorly happy when it comes to Thursdays, because I enjoy my CG so. Not just the time we spend at CG, but I truly enjoy the friends and fellowship.. =) *time for a little appreciation here..* coming into this CG half a year ago was an abrupt event prefaced by emotional upheaval, so i wasn't in any frame of mind to appreciate anyone or anything - but over the months i've come to realise that I love my CG and have a burden for it. =) yay yay yay yay.. i love my CG!
okay, enough digression. It was also Juan's birthday, but she came for make up CG with me cos she couldn't attend her own CG. she says my CG is very big! ahahahaha.. my good Juan, you should have seen us before multiplication.. hee..
Friday - i spent my Friday SLACKING! oh no - what a slacker i am - but it's JUST SO RARE to NOT HAVE ANYTHING ON! so i floated my way around Orchard - and drifted into and out of shops. yay.
i wanted to do a tribute to my fav brands, but i'm lazy to stuff them into my template.. so might as well do it here!
~Etam (wisma, a sleeper hit! the french clothes are lovely! oh no i'm becoming a francophile!)
~Ztamp (far east plaza - for all sorts of ecletic clothing.. others along the same line - and in the same row of shops - are valerie's corner/closet/secret or OWTTE, some weird shop that sells a lot of cheena clothes, and another shop that sells a lot of bags! Notice i dun even knoe the shop names - that's how engrossed i am in shopping!)
~FITA (flowers in the attic - when they have cuts that i can fit into!)
~Phuture London - my skirt and accs for staff dinner r from here; will put up pics after! *sighs in anticipation*
~LVER (la vie en rose) - if you do not know the brand, GO, I repeat GO CHECK IT OUT at Bugis level one. So French! So understated! So gorgeous!
~Benno @ Heeren shops.. one-off, gorgeous clothes.
~Studio Tangs/Tangerine for their shoes! Especially for their shoes. Yum..
~Vivi - shoes also.. the one at Taka B2 near Studio Tangs. Absolutely gorgeous but SO impractical - that however does not deter me from traipsing in whenever i pass. =P
~FOX.. their mercurial ranges never cease to surprise.
~m)phosis, gg5, warehouse, topshop.. every woman's standard faves..
~MNG - the ever-favorite for their nicely cut pants and slinky tops
~Accessorize - Many, many bling blings. =)
*i'll add more to the list when i think of them!*
Saturday! Highlight if the day was of course service; everyone was shocked when i showed up in my new hair and warehouse dress.. haha.. we're all too used to the pant-suited ahming! The msg was about worship - it was SO GOOD that I will post it up another day when my fumbling fingers and sleep-tangled mind can do justice to the content of the msg. sheesh. every second word is wrongly typed today! ugh! suffice it for the moment to say that it was a v good msg. =)
digression: i forgot i drove to church *again* but thank God i remembered when i was at traffic light. so i pottered back into church, to the silly stares of pp i had waved bye to a few seconds earlier, mustered up my dignity n drove my car out. Haha.
In the car, i had a rather surreal conversation with Grace.
Me: So Grace, ni3 xiang4 shem3 me4?
M: (The blurdo who heard it is 'shen2' instead)
M: gave her a new look and wanted to mutter *amen, so do I*
Thursday, October 28, 2004
I have, for the first time since I was a student, cut my hair Seriously Short. I feel liberated and yet afraid, unique and yet i miss my long and long-cherished hair. What an amalgam of emotions.
Yet, my hair's been getting steadily shorter over the past year. It's been more like stepwise decrease for me in terms of hair length; i do so admire the people who are willing to chop off twenty cm or more of their tresses in one fell swoop - like the lady who was in Kimage last night too - she started off with waist long hair and walked out with hair shorter than mine is even now. something like victoria beckham's style a few months back. wow.. inimitable courage.
in comparison, i wonder if my unwillingness to lop off my hair all at one go in the salon is representative of my painful indecision and dithering in real life. too many times, i have turned away from a task or a pursuit because i was not sure what the outcome would be; because i was not sure if the cost would be worth it, and because i did not know if i would be a better person after. well, i turned away, the kairos time passed, and even if i were to look back in regret now nothing could ever be changed. seeing others who were brave enough to take that step, travel that road and who have moved on, i cannot help but remember that i, too, once had a chance at that happiness and gave it up. sheesh. i need to overcome my passiveness!
The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Monday, October 25, 2004
EMAIL NO.1 ON 24 MAY 2004
Hi everyone! ahming here. in Korea right now at the transit lounge in airport.. enjoying free internet access and an LCD screen.. =) We have been VERY blessed so far in our trip.. after arriving this morning at 5 something am, we had a free city tour to e Gyeungbukgung palace n Namsan mountains for a view of the city.. AND a totally gorgeous bulgogi lunch (sam, that would totally satisfy prof atkins.. haha), all courtesy of Korean Air! =) am i making u all v envious? They are like so super generous. =) sam n hosea must be wishing u were here right. =P the city is really not what i expected, not the kind of skyscraper-stuffed downtown that we have back home, but with mountains rising on all sides, a river running through, and quaint old streets with what looks like endless shops! I want to come back here someday. *save money..* anyway, we have another 5 hours to kill before our flight to Ulaan Baatar, we have turned the students loose in the airport to roam around. it's quite scary and chaotic having so many pp running amok everywhere.. this morning i yelled at 2 bunches of students already for being late and disappearing without telling pp. =P i think we need to build up e unity of e group for stuff like time consciousness and sense of accountability and all. okie, that shall be my task for e next 13 days.. =)
It is really amazing how good KAL has been to us,, nothing short of a miracle actually. Jac said she got her BS group to pray 4 us.. and it has really worked wonders!! God is good! Do keep our group in prayer, all of u.. Thanks!!
at 1130 tonight will reach ulaan bataar.. i am really looking forward to it. I think the reality that the trip has begun din sink in till now.. previously at changi and before it was simply a sense of nervousness and panicking (haha cos i'm such a last min person.. hor.. yiyi n ivry n huihui..), but i am really starting to enjoy myself now. really v grateful for this chance. i believe this trip will only get better, even if more challenges come along, cos i'm now in e right mindset to handle them. =) *cue: music - bring it on.. hehe heh*
i still do not really have an idea of how the conditions in UB will be like, i have imagined everything from e very worst to e very best.. i wonder where the reality will lie. no matter what, will have to keep e gp together n focused over e next few days. I think jac SH n me have more or less learnt to cover each other.. no fireworks so far (sam: relieved? =P) but it will be a whole new ball game in UB itself. i dun noe? Wait for my next email to find out! =)
all e best!
= miss wang
WAIT!! read on, i have lots of PSes.. =)
PS to mother, sam, hosea: SH, jac n myself have not been able to autoroam in korea. So not contactable by phone at e moment. We'll see how when we reach Ulaan Baatar. The guesthouse is supposed to have email access though. So might end up communicating by email and guesthouse phone instead.
Sam: Do me a favour n check with yihuak if he has given my thumb drive n book to Mag. He will know what i mean. Can also pls help me tell mrs ang that i gave yisheng (prom chair) her no and asked him to submit themes to her by today or tues. thanks!
Church pp n Hosea: Do me a fav n keep us in lots of prayer! Really need God's grace n wisdom as we are basically running everything by ear. Pray that we will have e wisdom n discernment to make good decisions, and lead our group safely into UB n back. Also pray that we will be sensitive to e emotional state n human interactions of e students.. to be able to keep e group united and focused as we begin to work. Creativity to maximize learning from e experiences we'l go thru. Also pray for safety for us at e worksite, and that teachers will be sharp n alert to catch onto any potential issues and solve them before they become problems! =) *sounds so UM.. haha.. hor*
Mother n uncle toney: do not worry about me, i'm fine!! and will email as often as possible. when i get my phone to work, i will drop a line.
Students: STUDY HARD for block test! haha.. i;m watching over you okie..
Qing n Tiff: i got you stuff!! Yes, already!! and more to come.. Stuff in Korea is ultracute, you MUST try to make a trip one day.. can start to psycho peter n jc liaoz.. haha..
EMAIL NO. 2 ON 26 MAY, 2004
hi everybody! using paying internet now, in guesthouse, so will talk quickly and fastly. today's 2nd day in mongolia. and also e day we start building.
went around UB city yesterday, as an intro and some orientation kind of thingy. nice but really cold. BUT today was even colder, cos we were in the outskirts of the city (25 km out) and the build site is on a plain surrounded by mts. \the wind is the kind that you have to work to walk against, and it blows from RANDOM directions one!! wah biang eh! But it was a good day, cos we have finally starte what we came here to do. the mongolian pp are v generous and warm. amazingly so. btw my job today was stuffing insulation into the walls of houses.. the insulating material was this white fluffy furry thing that sticks to your clothes and face n the wall too. i will never look at my dog the same way again.. haha.. think i shall try bricking tomoro if i get a chance.. there are houses in all sorts of stages which is v good so all e pp get to try all e diff jobs. the kids have been good so far, no complaining n whining etc, but 2 of them r not too well so pls pray 4 them. dun rea lly trust docs here so dun wan to bring kids to doc unless totally CMI.
the most exciting bit actually started today, when we went to the site to build. =) it's 25 km southwest of UB, quite out of the city actually, in a field surrounded by mountains. Words cannot begin to describe the sense of vastness at the site! it does also mean that we are constantly *ATTACKED* by winds from all directions.. haha.. feel like doing titanic *arms stick out* thing.. u will see from my pics.. the \mongolian pp are truly hospitable, even though they have so little. after lunch today i went to the construction overseer's ger.. someone inside showed me the Bible in Mongolian and a tract about Jesus. they were trying to witness to the students i think.. those 2 were obviously very treasured items. i took out my Bible n read the passages to her in English.. Eph 4:22 about renewing of the mind. amazing.
pp r breathing down my neck to use net.. so i will stop now.. that;s what happens when u have 25 pp and one comp! haha.. i love the communal life.. see u all soon!
* i think email #3 is sadly deceased somewhere... haven't been able to find it.. oh no..*
EMAIL NO. 4 ON 30 MAY, 2004
dearly beloved!! it is me again, writing from faraway Mongolia. since the last time i wrote, 2 days hav passed.. one of work n one of leisure. shall talk about work first.. hee..
Building day #4: Four words - COLD, WIND, HAIL and DUST!! it was prob e worst worksite conditions so far.. it rained in e morning before we went to work, and the day was overcast and cold.. so cold that when it rained at the worksite, it was not rain but hail. how cool is that! have nv seen hail before.. at first it seems like heaven is machine-gunning you.. haha.. then u realise that small specks of ice are falling all around.. one of the Mongolians actually told us it was 2 degrees out that day (not counting windchill!). amazing. but teh kids kept their spirits up.. especially those working outside in the exposed air, carrying bricks.. it would have been so easy to just give up n hide inside some house but they persevered.. wow.. and we were singing 'u r my sunshine' n 'sun with love'.. trying to convince e sun to come out.. haha.. and shouting 'TWENTY DEGREES' at e top of our voices to keep our minds off the fact that it was TWO degrees actually.. yeesh! even thru e cold, we managed to clear 2 whole piles of bricks.. getting more productive day by day..
could also realli see a sprit of care n concern among e kids.. it was so cold but pp willingly shared their coats with one another.. one person would wear e coat for 10 min n pass to a friend who was cold.. and the coats were jus passed back n forth. the Mongolian pp are excellently kind too.. going out of their way to get us back in our comfort zone. like bringing coats for the pp, nailing up plastic sheets over house windows to keep the wind out, telling us not to work outside n come inside the houses.. tho we had only known them for 4 days, but they realli take care of us. =)
later in e afternoon, 2 more trucks of bricks came that we helped to unload them.. wind was blowing v strongly at e time and all of us got our day's worth of mineral quotient from the brick dust blowing at us, 2 pp actually got some dust into their eyes but thank God no lasting damage. =) everyone pitched in to help when such things happend tho so v good.. it is so true that u only see e gp's mettle n togetherness when challenges arise. indeed all things work together for good.. =)
kids were saying during facilitation today that they felt our trip was more play than work.. cos we have spent quite a long time doing other activities like visiting orphanage, high school, and today we went to the museum of natural history and shopping. =) SH and jac began to share their point of view.. their wisdom and insight continually amazes me. the thought of trip being quite 'slack' from e work-oriented s'porean viewpoint had occured to me before but i would nv be able to explain it e way they did.. we are a community INVOLVEMENT proj, not only comm SERVICE.. this is a service-learning trip and it would be no point if we jus worked n worked n did not get to learn anything beyond the superficial skills of building. indeed jac brought up a v valid point that though our physical help is appreciated, franky the building could have gone on even without us. main reason why we are here is to experience the culture n lifestyle n enrich other pp's lives n our own. there are actually so many things to consider when we do our things.. which jac n SH have managed so well. i realli have a lot to learn! =)
about play now.. today we went to the museum of natural history, which the kids din realli enjoy but i n jac did! we saw dinosaur fossils (from the Gobi desert) and hosts of other stuff.. including 'chao' scary stuffed vultures n eagles.. that look like they could carry any one of us off anytime. would like to go to the Gobi one day n see these creatures in the flesh. amazing how there is unity in diversity when u consider all the animal forms.. we can theorize about creationism VS evolution but to me the argument is driven home all the more strongly when i see with my own eyes how beautifully n wonderfully made each animal and plant is. =)
after museum, went shopping!!!! ohboy ohboy ohboy!!! been raring to go shopping for the longest time. went first to e State Dept Store that sells lots of overpriced stuff.. i got myself a cute furry hat! =) after we went to some strange place (nameless like so many other places in the capital) that sold a lot of similar things but cheaper.. haha.. i have now acquired 4 tops, and countless accessories.. and intend to get myself more!! mwahahahaha!!! would like to visit the Black Market (the name has NO connotations as to the kind of goods sold there) which is the central market of UB. but its quite dangerous for e kids cos a lot of pickpockets n its really vast. so might not get to go there after all. mebbe can sneak out of the guesthouse some time n go down myself.. hee.. will try to think of a way. For e next 2 days, wil be out of UB in a ger camp.. experiencing traditional (hopefully) Mongolian lifestyle, so watch for more updates when I'm back! =)
love all lots..
EMAIL NO. 5 ON JUNE 1, 2004
hunks and babes!!!!!!
how cool is this trip!! we are just back today from a ger camp in Bumbat where we've been yesterday n today. ger are the traditional Mongolian tent dwellings, and a ger camp is basically where we get to stay in traditional gers for teh night. The site, Bumbat, is an uluated place 1 hours drive from UB. it is soo beautiful! dun even knoe how to describe the site. it is nestled in a valley, and we spent e 1st afternoon clambering up rocks. to e top of one of e hills. really seemed like there would be no end to e hills.. as u climb to e top of one u see another one rising above.. after a long long time we reached a vantage point of sorts.. where there was this rocky thing jutting out over an abyss.. everyone climbed over n took photos, but my well-known fear of heights petrified me again.. yikes.. managed to climb over but nv dare to look at e view. so silly right. must try to overcome this fear leh.. been like this all my life.. =( but e kids were excellent n helped me acr oss and back.. and held me while we took photos.,. hahaha.. 'm really the ku-niang who needs protection then! =P
the resort was also excellent for e kids, cos there was billiards \(altho only 9 balls there!) and table tennis. it was also fairly warm during the daytime, so we could sit outside, read books n chat. at night, bitterly cold and dark outside but the stars and moon were brilliant. s'porean pp r not used to night sky without light pollution, we were all oohing and ahing like suakus at the stars. couldn't recognize then tho, diff constellations from what we can see at equator. =P but still v cheo!!!!
night in e ger was interesting.. there were 4 pp per ger n our Builders group was 25, so i ended up being the odd one out n sleeping with our translator, the Habitat personnel n an American girl who had joined us for the builds. because my ger had e 2 Mongolian ladies, we were e only one with a decent fire (haha) but it also meant that i couldn't stay out late with e others n had to sleep at decent human timings. rats! =P
today was also interesting, we visited an actual ger belonging to the forest guard. they had chickens, dogs, goats and a horse! =) they were amazingly hospitable pp, and spooned about a litres' worth of yoghurt out for us to try.. natural one okie.. and gave jac a figurine as a souvenir. i think we traumatized their animals by chasing them around the plain for photos.. haha.. silly kids
today is international children's day, a public holiday in Mongolia, so nothing was open when we got back to UB. we went to a funfair in a park.. something like one of our pasar malams jus on a bigger scale. it started to rain while we were there.. and we ended up being rather soaked, which is the state i'm writing this email in while waiting for the shower. thank God for HOT showers! =)
left to trip: THREE build days and ONE leisure day!!! jiayou to me!!
PS. XIZZY: pls try to get me yisheng's email can. need to ask him prom things.
WENHUI: can help me see log sched n see my duty days.. as well as verifier days.. need to arrange understudy for 18th wkend, and i nv recive anything from chocks yet.
yiyi n ivry: miss u too, mei nu men.. looking forward to seeing u when back!
Tiffany!!! Happy birthday!! i knoe its a day early but i prob won't get to use comp tomoro. love u dear.. have a good bdae!
everybody: do keep us in prayer esp for good health.. and for our last few days to be meaningful n purposeful ones. thanks all!!!
ah... *ahming smiles in happy reminiscence*..
Sunday, October 24, 2004
pretending he's beside me
i walk with him till morning
in the darkness
i feel his arms around me
and when i lose my way i close my eyes and he has found
in the rain
the pavement shines like silver
all the lights
are misty in the river
in the darkness
the trees are full of starlight
and all i see is him and me for ever and for ever
i love him
i love him
i love him
but only on my own..
~on my own, eponine, les miserables
a little fall of rain
can hardly hurt me now
you will keep me safe
and you will keep me close
and rain will make the flowers grow
~a little fall of rain, eponine, les miserables
i love les mis. oh no, i'm in my literary alliterary mood again! help! ahming flips at her own ability to remember lyrics from songs last heard perhaps five years ago? haha..
but seriously. i find that i empathize with eponine more than any other character in les mis.. certainly not cosetted Cosette, or the limpid and languid male protagonist whose name i can't even remember. i recall there was a brave young boy too, who got killed like eponine; and jean valjean, together with javert. oh dear, why do all my favourite characters end up dead?? haha.. it's the nature of the show one presumes, LES MIS eh.. (btw the miserables doesn't really mean miserable people.. a more accurate translation would be 'the poor oppressed'..)
*continued days later..*
as i reread my last post i snort at my preferences. hah, why do i always empathize with the underdogs? more accurately, why do i always empathize with the tragi-protagonists of the play? maybe because there's more action to be had; i've never fancied the type of person who sits around and does nothing. i believe destiny lies in the hands of one who works for it and does not 'shou3 zhu1 dai4 tu4' (that means wait by tree for rabbit, not guard pig robber.. -_-\) perhaps i identify with those characters more too?
i am not just a pretty face
i will not stay boxed up in place
i desire, i yearn and i strive to move on -
the goalposts of my life are shrouded in shadow
faith will carry me through
and one day,
my ascent may be slow
and every step plagued with weariness; but
You will keep me safe
and You will keep me close
and tears will make the flowers grow
Friday, October 22, 2004
a scene i can't erase
and in a strong G.I.'s embrace
flee this life
flee this place
the movie plays and plays
the scene before me fills
he takes me to New York
he gives me dollar bills
he'll keep us safe all day
so no one comes at night
to blow the dream away
our children laugh all day
they eat too much ice cream
and life is like a dream
a dream i long to find
the movie in my mind..
Kim, Miss Saigon
the evidence of things hoped for, the substance of things unseen.
what is grace?
the supernatural ability to do what God has called you to do.
what's a faith-filled huiming?
one who's bold and confident to go forth and do God's will. one whose boldness stems not from trust in her own ability, but instead stems from the knowledge that she is walking sure in God's will. one who leans on His word and His grace to accomplish things beyond her own ability. one who sees above circumstances and times of trouble, and is able to praise Him always with genuine joy because she hangs on His promises. one who necessarily walks on the edge, stretching herself often, because faith is not required in circumstances that one can handle alone. one who dares to step forth, be bold, and emerge from shadow. one who hungers after God's presence and promises because they are the only way she can live her life - on the edge. one who knows when she knows that something is the right thing to do - that someone is the right one for the task - because she walks with the Holy Spirit as her guide.
who will a faith-filled huiming be?
someone of influence; who does the right thing at the right time; who speaks into people's lives and does not shirk her responsibilities. who is an instrument of God.
humorous takes on faith filled personnas:
FF Peilong - plays the guitar without any strings!
FF Max - runs 20km a day without any shoes!
FF bear - fat, warm and cuddly.. hahaha
that was sooooooooooo flat. haha!
my current list:
Sold - my palm zire and nokia headset
Selling - clothes, cosmetics, accessories and shoes
Bought - cosmetics, clothes and beady-eye-edly following a 5.1MP digicam.
The tally so far seems to be in the balance of Spending! oh no! save me, someone, or quickly find me more things to sell!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Dr. Haim Ginott
I come from a home where gravy is a beverage. -- Erma Bombeck
The Girl Next Door is from a small town, a large family, or both. She still has a healthy dose of what people 'round these parts call "family values." She calls her grandparents every Sunday and she's got her mom on speed dial. The Girl Next Door likes an uncomplicated life filled with the simple pleasures of family, home, kids, and food. She may not actually live on a farm, but she tends to keep a menagerie. Asked to choose between a dog and a cat, she generally won't. What's a good guard dog without a mouser to keep it company? She is caring and warm, welcoming and friendly. Anybody in your office ever bring in chocolate chip cookies? You got yourself a Girl Next Door.
The defining characteristics of the Girl Next Door are simplicity and tradition. Simplicity means that, unlike the Academic Girl, she's really not that interested in the great questions that keep philosophers up at night. When she can sit in the kitchen, drinking coffee, eating shortbread cookies with a friend, and listening to the cat purr on top of the radiator, what else is there to life? What else, indeed.
She Might Be a Girl Next Door if:
She drives: a good, solid American car -- a Ford Taurus, Chevy Cavalier, or Dodge Stratus.
She can talk for more than ten minutes about: her family's holiday traditions.
She begins her sentences with: "my mother says..."
She'd never: go to a rave.
She owns any of the following: scrapbooks, heirloom quilts, a Bible, family recipes, her grandmother's engagement ring.
my visual cortex and Broca's area fail me. sheesh!
i've just had an epiphany - a surreptious piece of serendipity. i am actually going to blog a long paragraph of bombastic words with NO MEANING AT ALL in order to show off my superior command of the English language. Blogging in proper English harks back to the halcyon days of secondary school, where phrases like 'pusillanimous pustule' flew back and forth and incomprehensible insults were the order of the day. Half the fun of an argument lay in figuring out the newly-hurled insult in time to give an intelligent, intelligible and witty reply. Alliteration, which I allude to now in my writing, was also great fun. Yes, to all of you who have caught on Already, I was a gepper - a member of that highly disdained and thoroughly detested sub-population that inhabited the side corridors and rear cerbral cortex of the entire, outside, paranoid world. ugh..
*this entry continues in the morning, when i am much more sane and very much less trashy*
There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven and she's Daddy's little girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all for..
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk beside the pony Daddy, it's my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy but I sure tried"
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night
Sweet sixteen today
And she's lookin' like her mamma a little more every day
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and make-up, from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember...Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
You know how much I love you Daddy
But if you don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night
Oh the precious times
Oh, like the wind the years go by
Spread your wings and fly
She'll change her name today
and she'll make a promise and I'll give her away
Standing in the bride room just staring at her
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said
"I'm not sure,I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl"
And she leaned over...and gave me...
Butterfly kisses with her mamma there
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it's just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy? Daddy don't cry"
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a her love every morning and butterfly kisses
I couldn't ask God for more
Man, this is what love is
I know I've gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses
*tiffany's wedding song.*
why i stick it up on my blog now i don't know, but this song makes me tear every time i read the lyrics. tiffany's daddy dedicated this to her at her wedding dinner.. all three of us were trying hard to keep back our tears, because of all that mascara! such vanity! to my dear, strong, brave tiffany-butterfly: your daddy does love you a lot! But you knew that already. =)
Sunday, October 17, 2004
erpz, i knoe the title is supposed to be achy breaky heart! but frankly, the numbness in my feet overpowers all else. that's what comes of a day of running around in high heeled shoes! oh no! ai4 sui4 mai4 mia3 strikes again!
what a long day it has been. have i stretched myself too thin? methinks so.. unfortunately what is true in ushering is not true in the physical.. ahahahaha..
still, it is not a good thing to take on too many roles at once. flexibility's good, and so is availability, but i think i overdid it yesterday, and my fellow logs P suffered cos of that.. i guess i assumed that it would be a 'normal' run, so one person could handle it, but it turned out that it wasn't.. oh no, versions and versions and versions (hor.. jen n jer n peixiong.. erpz) and i think it was really God's grace that kept us running smoothly under power. thank God also for those who stood in e gap for me. i will bear this in mind next time, n really count the cost properly.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
2) Full name: wang hui ming, joy my baptism name
3) Nicknames: ahming
4) Age : 25 (oh noooooooooo)
5) Email: email@example.com
6) Eyes: small eyes (freakily small!) eyelids change conformation according to the amount of sleep I've got)
7) Height: 159.5cm! It CAN be rounded up to 160! Yes! Yes! *who am I kidding???*
8) Siblings: dun have.. the one and only kid!
9) Been drunk before: nopes.. even in the days when I used to go pubs, I had an amazing ability to not get drunk..
10) Cheated: nopes.. so honest right.
11) Missed school cause of rain: nopes! Wow, am I kuai or am I kuai?
12) Set any body part on fire for amusement: nopes.. eekz, what kind of question's that!
13) kept a secret from everyone: yes.. well, almost everyone.. I usually find the need to tell ONE totally unrelated person, otherwise I'll freak when I bottle stuff up
14) Had an imaginary friend: nopes..
15) Wanted to hook up w/ a kabarkada: errrr… what’s that again??
16) Smacked or grabbed a guys/girls ass: nopes
17) Had a crush on a teacher: yes
18) Ever thought of animated characters: nopes
19) Ever owned a 'New Kids on the block': nopes! I was from that era though, but I'm a thoroughly non-musical person - no interest in pop songs at all!
20) Ever prank called someone?: nopes
21) Been on stage: yes - MC for at least three times, drama for 2 easters - as the blind gal haha, so no need to wear my specs also can act
33) Cried: yeah, boy, but almost always in private.. and I very seldom cry.
37) Met someone new: oh no, fei hua, of course! I meet new people like every day??
38) Talked to someone you had a crush on: yuppz, but never ever developed these conversations into anything.. erpz
39) Missed someone: not very often.. I'm SOOO work oriented eh!
40) Hugged someone: my mother and all relatives that I'm obliged to hug at family functions. Also all females (students, friends, church friends etc) who need encouragement. I'm a big teddy bear.. haha
41) Fought w/ parent(s): nopes.. really seldom nowadays, but even before I was saved I would mostly just bottle it up inside.
42) Wished upon a star: nopes.. singapore night where can see star, if can see must be in some uluated place like pulau ubin or sarimbun, where u had to hike / canoe ur butt off to get there, will be too tired to wish la.
43) Laughed until u cried: nope
44) Watched sunrise/sunset: yeah, when I dun have to wake up early for school the sunrise from my bedroom window is gorgeous; when I dun have to be out till late at night the sunset from my living room quite can make it also! Man I have a nice house!
46) Went to the beach at night: nopes..
47) Read a book for fun: oh yes! I am a bookophile! DO NOT get me started on the books I've spent time reading when I should have been doing useful work. Right now, most recent reads include Kazuo Ishiguro's The Remains of the Day; Umberto Eco's The Name of the Rose; Brother Yun's The Heavenly Man; Robert Jordan's Winter's Heart; a poetry anthology called Touched with Fire; in June I read Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, and Digital Fortress. Anytime I'm bored, I grab back issues of Reader's Digest and National Geographic and sigh over the soppy stories (the former) or over the gorgeous photography (the latter). Ideal day off = slacking at home by myself and reading. Yay!
48) Eat meat: yeah!
49) Lonely: sometimes I get into a funk at my lack of "worldly" companionship - ie no boyfriend, haha, but that always passes within a day or two at most - because I have a Heavenly Father who's always with me!
51) Are you talking to someone online: nopes.. school cannot install msn or icq. Good thing too or I would never do my work!
59) Who named you: my grandfather wanted me to be called shiling or something but apparently it sounded like 'dead person' in some dialect or the other. So my parents changed my name to huiming (zhi4 hui4 de hui4, ming2 liang4 de ming2.. so it means clever and bright.. haha, that's why not pretty!)
60) Backstreet Boys or N'sync: FIR and Ocean! Nah, actually I am not a big music fan.. unlike my dear jannesis.. who knows and makes it a point to support all the local and up-and-coming singers she deems worthy
61) Last time u showered: last night?
62) Last thing u said when u talked online: er… Good Night?? *last night on MSN*
63) Whats right nxt to you: my workstation! Beyond that, the pillar, beyond that, the corridor, and beyond on the other side another long row of workstations.
64) Whats your computer desk made of: Wood I think, though laminate is more likely
65) Last thing u ate: nothing! Fasting today.. well I guess the closest thing would be an apple last night??
67) Where would you want to go on your honeymoon? Hm first I need to be attached right! A bit early to think about this siah! But anyway, a nice place to go would be europe.. hee.. actually anywhere would be nice to go to with good friends.. and you backpack through at your own slow pace, seeing the place and not just the touristy sights. Hooked on backpacking since my trip to France with kell in 1999.. =)
68) Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?: hm, again I need to be attached first to say right? Well, I would want my next relationship to be with the guy I would marry eventually.. who must he be? I was talking to one of my ushers last night and he was telling me how he prayed very specifically for the girl of his dreams.. and when his current fiancee came along she WAS almost exactly all he had prayed for. Wow.. Well I would want a man who's older than me; someone who can lead me; whom I can look up to and who will treat me like a princess. He must be a man with a gentle spirit, full of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, and a diligent worker for God's kingdom. He would also preferably be from the same church (I think I posted why before) and would come along REALLY SOON. (hahahahahahaha….)
69) Weather right now: freakily cold in the staffroom! Eeks~ shiver..
70) How do you feel now: really GOOD cos I'm getting better, it's a Thursday (got CG later, yay!) and the weekend's coming!
72) How do YOU eat an oreo?: I like the biscuit and not the filling, so I give the filling to the people around me and eat THEIR biscuits in return. Yeah!
73) All time favorite tv show: nopes.. I don't watch much TV
74) Dream car: Mitsubishi Galant Super Saloon (SBP 3137).. my very first car that's now sadly deceased, as some hunk of scrap metal somewhere.. so it exists only in my dreams.. also my mummy's Ford Taurus (SCM 9543) which was the most gorgeous car imaginable and is also deceased. Erpz. But seriously, the car I would like to drive if I had a choice would be a Nissan March or a Hyundai Sonata (I LOVE the taillights!) But my current family car, a nice and steady Nissan Sunny (SDU 3643S) doesn't do too badly either. =)
75) What do you want to be: a person who walks with God.. through tears and joy, I'll trust in Him. a person obedient to His will above all else.
76) Hobbies: READING! Serving people (yes, really a hobby, I'm serious.. it makes me very happy to serve pp and see them blessed)
77) Fav song: nopes.. nothing really.. at the moment I'm kind of into the music from Les Choristes, but I can't understand, so doesn't really count..
79) Fav food: potatoes! Broccoli! Cauliflower! Celery! Mushrooms! Have I grossed everyone out yet??? Hahahahaha!
80) Fav day of the week: Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday!
82) Piye toh ini pertanyaan: HUH??
83) if u could change your name: I wouldn't change it.. so troublesome!
84) Do you sleep w/ stuffed animal?: nope.. asthmatic la, so never developed the habit.. but I DO have a dog cushion, a Florrie, a Piyo Piyo and my faithful bear, Cheese!
83) What stupid thing u've ever done: lots.. would take me hours to write! I just hope I don't have many more stupid episodes in my life!
86) First name: huiming
87) Boyfriend/Girlfriend: nopes, none!
88) Age to marry: 26-28
89) Ideal setting: haven’t thought so far! Haha, as aforementioned, no guy yet!
90) Fav names for daughter: no idea. Oh dear..
91) Fave name for son: no idea either! so non-visionary right?? Ahahahahaha..
92) You like scary or funny movies better?: funny! Scary show ownself scare ownself only, so unedifying.. at least with a funny show you come out feeling good n happy
93) On the phone or in person: it depends. I'm usually quite awkward in communicating with direct speech, unless it's someone I'm really comfortable with, but I still believe important things need to be communicated in person.
94) Lust or Love: Love.. definitely..
95) If you could change something about yourself?: height, weight, eyes, skin! (hm, is there ANYTHING else I would NOT change - ah yes! MY SMILE!)
96) Do you consider cheerleading a sport: yuppz, in terms of physical training.. it's tough!
97) Do you have pets: I LOVE MY DOG A LOT!!! My beautiful, gorgeous silky terrier, Scampy.
98) Who sent this survey to you: scammed off someone's blog..
99) Time finish: 0905 hrs - I've spent almost 40 minutes on this! Oh no!!!!!! shall post and go do work now..
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
to my cousins who may read this post, i'd appreciate it if you didn't tell your parents about what i'm going to write next. it forms an integral part of the character-building processes i went through but i doubt my parents would be comfortable with other family members knowing. Thanks. =)
events of the last few days have made me think about the person i used to be, and the person i am now. how my life could have taken a far different path, and about how those whom i used to be close to have gone down that far different path. i shudder. i sincerely believe my sanity and my strength through all the trials i've seen in my admittedly short but *NOT* placid life stem from the fact that I trust in my Saviour's Word and character. i cannot change my circumstances, but i can choose to view them in the light of faith and hope. His promises have kept me going - "that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" - "for I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope" - "my heart and strength may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" - and above all, above all else... "Be still, and know that I am God."That was an almost daily mantra in uni, when the financial problems my family faced were at their peak. Try facing landlords barricading you in your house the morning of your exam. Or early-morning shouting matches between the landlord and your father over late payments of rent. Your mother's car being repossessed while you're out for supper and you, driven home like a criminal. Receiving, with shaking hands, a letter from the university threatening expulsion if your school fees are not paid within the next three days. Begging your friends to empty their bank accounts to make up that then-terrifying amount - numbers forever etched in my mind, 2816.57. Try being sleepless each night with fear over wondering if there would be a bed or even a roof the next day. Going out every day for a year with just enough coins to take the bus to wherever you need to go and not a cent more, never mind that your stomach would be twisting itself around your spine by the time you got home at night. Not being able to top up even a transitlink card because that would take ten dollars and your total worldly possesions would not add up to that amount. Other things, too, happened in the interim years; my father's stroke when i was in my final year, my teaching award (and with it my chance to do Honours) within a whisker of being withdrawn; losing an extremely close person in an extremely abrupt way. I do admit that my problems were somewhat commonplace (hm, i wonder how many other 25-year olds have faced this?) and not anything out of the ordinary, but i am very glad that i chose to respond to them by walking down the path that i've taken and not any other way. i could have rebelled, grown bitter, grown cynical or simply given up; i truly believe that it was only God's grace that kept me going in those times. through it all, through it all, i would not have been able to continue under the crushing pressure and emotional turmoil without Him. and as i look back, i have grown; as i look at some of the people in my life at those times, they had not. there is no feeling of superiority or smugness; only a sadness at what could have been in their lives had they not given up or rebelled. Truly, only in the darkest night does a star shine its' utmost; only in the direst situations do you find you need to cling onto God's grace the most.
I had a conversation with a friend the other day on the way home on religion - and she said that she would probably only turn to religion when she finds that there are things she cannot handle on her own. i used to be like that too - of the mentality that nothing would be too hard for me, alone, to vanquish. it is a common mindset of highly able people (some thick-skinned-ness here, haha) that there is no need for anyone else, for anything else, for your life to proceed smoothly. only when you come to a place where you find that all your ability cannot avail you anything do you turn to externalities - for me, that place arrived in university. i am grateful, too, for it - for the first hand realization that the testing of your faith produces patience - the cornerstone of character. without the experiences that i had had, i would not be who i am today. many people tell me i am strong; i used to be weak. i am patient; i used to be impatient and self-centred. i work hard; i used to be unfocused and overly emotional. i am friendly; i used to not know how to relate to others. the huiming you see today, then, friends, is the product of not only her genotype but her experiences, and most importantly her response to those experiences. to those i hope read this (but i doubt), i hope my sharing has given you some inspiration.
Monday, October 11, 2004
first off: my grandaunt visited her 2nd doc, and he also says that there's no prob with her mammogram. so my very relieved grandaunt n aunt r now back in indo (they left today). yuppz.. got a msg from my aunt telling me they arrived safely.
second off: they came with me and my mum to church yesterday - for years and years and years my aunt has been away from God; she's not had an easy life in the interim and my mum shared that she felt that God "abandoned" her when she was going through the tough times in her life. she had been very hardened throughout her time in Indonesia and always refused to go to church even when many of my grandaunts had asked her to. so my mum n i were really very grateful when she agreed to come.. wow God's love really touched her heart as the moment she stepped into the auditorium on saturday night, her tears began to fall. by the time it was worship, she was sobbing like nobody's business. In all the years that this aunt stayed with my family, i had never seen her cry like that. both me and my mum were shocked. perhaps she was lamenting the many years she had spent away from His presence - after the svc she told my mum that she has lessened half the distance between her and God.. Amen! for ten years of anger, rebelliousness and resentment to be half done away with in two hours - it is really nothing short of a miracle. Through it all, she has realised that God's love, grace and mercy is always there for her. =) though she was still zui3 ying4 after the svc, i truly believe that a seed has been sown in her heart. yeah yeah!
third off: another thing that makes me very happy about the entire episode is how i've seen my mother growing in maturity as a believer yet again - from persuading my aunt to come to church to msging me to ask me to "follow up" on her on Sunday - wow, my mum has really come a long way from the "staunch anti-Christian" (her own words!) that she was a few short years ago. God's love and grace has truly made her a different woman. now, she makes it a point to go to church every Sunday morning, even when my dad sometimes grumbles, and attends Bible study and prayer meetings. Praise God! She is also more zealous for the works of God - telling me it's a good thing that people at my church take down notes and pay serious attention to the speaker, and telling me that she feels very proud that I serve God as an usher. *wow*.. those who have known me for long will know how amazing this is.. awwww... =)
*contented sigh* Thank God for a weekend of miracles!
Friday, October 08, 2004
A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature. - Ralph Waldo EmersonBut in deede, A friend is never knowne till a man have neede. - John Heywood
Few men have the natural strength to honour a friend's success without envy... - Aeschylus
He was once asked what a friend is, and his answer was, 'One soul abiding in two bodies.' - Diogenes Lartius
He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh. - the Koran
Laughter is the closest distance between two people. - Victor Borge
He used to say that it was better to have one friend of great value than many friends who were good for nothing. - Diogenes Lartius
When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. - Japanese proverb
Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods. - Aristotle
fever seesaws up and down, throat feels like sandpaper and i've just realised i can't smell.
being the dedicated biology teacher that i am, i have found out that:
Majority with upper respiratory tract infections with fever, cough, malaise, and headache. May lead to tracheobronchitis with fever and nonproductive cough: radiologically confirmed pneumonia develops in 5-10% of cases; rare extrapulmonary syndromes, including cardiologic, neurologic, and dermatologic findings.
Mycoplasma pneumoniae, a small bacterium.
Each year an estimated 2 million cases and 100,000 pneumonia-related hospitalizations occur in the United States.
Persistent cough is common during convalescence; other sequelae are rare. Fatal cases are reported occasionally, primarily among the elderly and persons with sickle-cell disease.
Person-to-person transmission by contact with respiratory secretions. Incubation period is 1 to 4 weeks.
Persons of all ages are at risk but rarely children less than 5 years old. It is the leading cause of pneumonia in school-age children and young adults. Outbreaks can occur especially in crowded military and institutional (e.g., college) settings. Outbreaks in these settings can last several months.
oh my gosh!
isolate me, somebody!
before i spread pneumonia to everyone around!
anyway, here's to my *expensive*, $2.30 a tablet antibiotics(for five times a day)! May i get well soon!
Thursday, October 07, 2004
perhaps i truly am, as St John Rivers says of Jane Eyre, formed for work and not for love. Fatalistic? maybe.. but it seems as though it is truly the case. work occupies a lot of my time, school work and usher work.. i enjoy the work that i do, and i always want to work harder and do more, but it leaves me no space for my self and no energy for my friends. guess it must be tough being a friend of mine.. you would probably get to see me maybe like twice a year, if even, unless i know you from work or from school. guess that's why i have few close friends but many acquaintances. sure, people will tell you that i'm nice, i'm giving, i'm loving, maybe that i'm caring, but at the end of the day i have nothing left for myself. probably that's why all my previous relationships failed, and even if i were *anywhere* near getting into one now it might not last unless the other party could put up with my having *nothing* left, day after day. i guess i do not have the stamina to do so many things, and yet i cannot see a way out of the 'cares of the world' that are bogging me down. money, money, money.. work, work, work! i feel so guilty when i do NOT work, and do not bring home the bacon. i've been sick for two weeks and still not well, but that weighs little against the commitments i have heavy upon me. so i will continue to ebb..
btw, i am already much better than i was at the beginning of the year.. much happier, and more fulfilled, but still i feel sometimes that i am ploughing through ankle-deep mirk. sheesh. well, at least it's not the knee-deep mud that it was at the beginning of the year! =P
as a continuation to my previous post - only xizzy will understand - i think the stretching's starting to tear. worse.. i do not know how i should feel. am i going to, like an esteemed friend, start speaking in parables? probably not, but in very verbose verse rather. ha!
more and more, my destiny becomes certain - one that follows not the desires of my own heart, but rather one that calls upon me to take up my cross and follow. made for work and not for love? (hm.. nothing to do with my red panasonic x500 though. =P yes, i cannot stop being lame, but i shall do it here when i can do it without being flamed.)
as my star wanes, another's rises. i do not want to compare, or compete, but i cannot help it. God help me, for i cannot help myself. help me walk through the next days and weeks and months, with wisdom and love.
it is cold in the room
but colder in my heart
and I purposely refuse to jacket myself.
no platitudes or gratitudes can warm me now.
nor even my trusty Milo.
deep and cold melancholy as I face
for the first time, maybe
the realization that the road ahead of me is long
dark and lonely.
the woods are lovely, dark and deep / but i have promises to keep / and miles to go before i sleep / and miles to go before i sleep
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
i've just finished rushing my marking, just in time too cos we are returning papers today. i don't suppose any of my students will read this in time for the cat to be out of the bag before the papers.. but i just want to encourage my dearly beloveds to JIAYOU and piah once again, cos the prelims are not everything. to those who did well, great.. to those who did not do so well, do not take it as a discouragement but instead a 'reminder', if you will, that more work needs to be put in. my heart bleeds just as badly as yours, dears.. it is tough but the next few weeks will determine all that you have worked for for the past two years. DO NOT GIVE UP guys (and gals!)
Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
More on miscellaneous matters.. oh yes, let me clarify the story of my indo aunt.. she was not diagnosed with cancer, sorry, but when she had her last mammogram she was told that there was a lump in her breast that could be cancerous, so she came to singapore to have her second opinion. The doc looked at the same mammogram and said there was nothing out of the ordinary. HM?? so, she's going for a third opinion today, and she says she'll go with the majority.. haha.. what 2 out of 3 doctors say. good grief! who does medical science like that?? =P
they came to my house on sunday by the way, and were staring at me while i was marking.. so cannot concentrate lah. yeesh.. how to mark liddat.. ended up majorly slowed down and had to tong xiao to get my work done. *sigh*.. it's nice to see them too, but it's not such a good time of the year! =P will be spending my days flitting around entertaining them for the next two weeks or so. they don't show it, but can tell my aunt n her daughter are worried.. anything to get their mind off the topic. haha, will i end up traipsing to the zoo?? sheesh!
i have also realized that my blog has been 'discovered' by a great many people, judging from the strange new names that are popping up on my tagboard. haha.. i have a COMMENTS system, people, you are more than welcome to post me long comments on my long-winded blogs! =)
and to those who came flocking to see my OBJECT OF DESIRE, thinking that it was some kind of hunk or something, sorry to disappoint you.. my object of desire is a nice sleek little phone. i went to hello shop to see it yesterday.. it is SO chio but what holds me back from buying is
a. they dun have the colour i want (white)
b. the memory is measly (4MB shared) and unexpandable (yeesh)
BUT THE PHONE IS SO CHIO!!!!!!
AND THE DISPLAY IS SO GORGEOUS!!!!!!
but i exercised self-restraint. *proud of self* maybe i will get it in future? but in the meantime, i will make do with my 3315 that is 3/4 dead already. dear 3315, i love you too.. and i'll post a pic of you in honour of your 2.5 years of dedicated service to me okie? =)
Sunday, October 03, 2004
ringing the doorbell even though he had the keys
and being told
your food is in the microwave
and said he wanted his dinner now
the question hung
he shrugged and went in his room.
i went in defeat
and did the necessary
why oh why
can you not take responsibility for even the simplest things in your life?
how true it is -
that a woman cannot be who she is meant to be
until a man fulfils his role as a man.
father, rise up!
Friday, October 01, 2004
ryan's back, he preached at CG yesterday with his cap on cos of his poor concussed head. 6 stitches is A LOT though he says not pain.. *ouch* feel very much more secure n 'covered' now that my leader's back, but have to learn to rise up still and start being an armorbearer for cg. apparently he'll have to shave his head on sunday when the stitches come out.. ahaha.. mebbe should buy him a comb to suan him. hah!
and again - i bought myself ANOTHER denim jacket, haha, from tiong bahru market. even my mother likes it. yay. a victorian-looking lacy affair with an asymmetrical front. hee.. shopaholics strikes again!
oh yes, announcement: jerry chai's baby's here! =) he still haven't decide what to name it i think.. so the names Cai Shi Chang, Cai Tou Gao and Cai Tou still got chance eh. ahahahaha.. Maybe Cai Xin also can? if the baby small and white - call Xiao Bai Cai lah.
can everyone see my lame spirit returning? hah!
btw kailiang.. i knoe ur blog too k.. both your own and the one you share with rich.. ahahahahaha.. i have POWER over you now! hey hey!