Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Seems like every time I've blogged this year, its only to complain and vent frustrations. Nothing else could possibly give me the motivation to, since I've hardly any time to eat / breathe / sleep - only a state of high "pek chek" ness would make me re open this fusty dashboard to rant.

Everybody wants a piece of me bigger than I have to give, can't you see I am already at the end of my rope.

Students skip pre arranged lessons, sms me as late as possible so I can't possibly chase them down, so that they can see me one to one, HELLO, I have 30 remedial students leh, HOW CAN I POSSIBLY SEE YOU ALL INDIVIDUALLY?? Might as well say, we should not have tutorial lessons, or worse still lecture sessions, every one of your teachers should just see you and you alone for lesson!! How about that for a good time??? Isn't that the point of typing out a schedule for you beforehand (you think schedules fall from heaven?! They take my PLANNING and TIME) so that YOU can plan YOUR TIME and I can address the common issues together!! It makes it really hard for me to believe each of your reasons each time the SAME PEOPLE cook up a different excuse not to be around for every session. Whatever.

Maybe I should just give up and let go, heck care about making up for those who are not around for lessons. Unfortunately, I am too bothered, not confident enough that these students can score well in the end. I mean, come on, will I ask you to see me if I am certain you are able to score?? YOUR A levels, not mine, come on!! Maybe I should start treating you like you treat me, as a last minute afterthought. "Not here for remedial? OK lor. Never do homework? OK lor. Don't do well for exams? OK lor, what did you want me to do about it??"

And stop whining to me about how busy you are, I shouldn't ask you to do X, Y, Z.. Come on, you think I am more free?? I HATE it when people whine. To shut you up, I'd rather just take the work on myself. Save myself the time of getting whined to, and then subsequently complained about. Whatever. I HATE cleaning up peoples' messes when they can just 拍拍屁股走了。 Be responsible for yourself, CAN?? You have commitments, don't I too?? You have other things to do, I have AT LEAST DOUBLE THAT AMOUNT, you know? Yet you expect me to pick up the pieces and you stand on the sidelines and don't get your hands dirty at all. Worst of all, I KNOW that I will never be sided with, I will be found to be in the wrong no matter how anything turns out. Others do not do their work properly, it must be because I did not instruct / guide them. Others do and its substandard, well, it must be up to me to pick up the pieces, guess what, they get the credit for doing it along with me. Others do and its up to standard, of course, its nothing to do with me. I do and its up to standard I thought is enough, sorry, no, my standard is sucky in your eyes. Must do another higher standard even though, wow, I am JUST told that this is what is required. I need to do more than anyone else, stay longer than anyone else, anyone can be excused but me.

If I'm sick, I pop a Panadol (my new best friend) and work anyway. Can't afford not to, too many remedials / consults / admin / meetings / discussions, if I'm away for 1 day, it takes me 4 days to make up that 1 day of work undone. If I ask others to help me settle things, I am irresponsible, but its perfectly fine for others to do the same to me. Students take up all my time from 7.30am (sometimes 6.30am) till sometimes 8pm, admin and whatever other work comes AFTER that, and sometimes after tuition, what kind of life is this?? My workday in school starts at 6.30am, my workday #2 as a mummy starts whatever time I get home till whatever time the kids sleep, my workday #3 doing admin starts at whatever time the girls sleep till whatever time I need to clear enough work that I am not suffocated the next day. Usually 1am, sometimes later. Sometimes the entire night long. Finish work?? That is not possible. I'm just delaying my own inevitable drowning.

So goes a typical day:
0545: Out of bed.
0630: Reach school.
0630-0730: Sometimes start seeing students. Sometimes an hour of relative peace and quiet (if no one notices I'm around and comes around with questions or stuff for me to settle) to start on Things That Must Be Done Today.
0730-1900: Consultations, remedials, meetings, discussions. Eating time and toilet time optional.
1900-2030: Wrap up whatever Things That Must Be Done Today need doing.
2030-2100: Drive home
2100-2200: Entertain kids till they sleep
2200-xxxx: Finish off Things That Must Be Done Today and start on or continue Things That Must Be Done Tomorrow.

Repeat everyday from Monday to Friday. On weekends, extend 0630-0730 slot to whatever time needed to complete Things That Certainly Must Be Done By This Weekend. Replace next timeslot with Entertain Kids, extend timeslot to 2200. Continue after 2200 with Things That Must Be Done By Monday And Didn't I Already Tell You You Should Have Started Earlier.