Mikey's Funnies - Biannual Thoughts =)

~ A company held a contest for kids with the theme: "The nicest thing
My Father Ever Did For Me." One kid answered "He married my mother."
~ A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
~ A laugh is a smile that bursts.
~ A mother can touch a whole generation just by loving her own child well.
~ All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism. 
~ Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings.
~ Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
~ Do not believe in miracles...rely on them.
~ Don't point a finger; hold out a hand.
~ Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
~ Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
~ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
~ How come it takes a properly prepared, primed surface for paint to
stick to a wall, but if a drop lands on the floor, it's there for life?
~ If evolution is true, why do mothers still only have one pair of
hands?
~ If mother always knows best, what happens when two mothers disagree?
~ If the going gets easy, you may be going downhill.
~ If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really
good, you will get out of it.
~ If you can laugh at it, then you can live with it.
~ If you don't care where you're going, any road will get you there.
~ If you don't know where you're going, you're never lost.
~ If you really want to do something, you'll find a way; if you don't,
you'll find an excuse.
~ If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.
~ I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
~ In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
~ It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your
hips.
~ It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to
ignore someone completely.
~ Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make
them all yourself.
~ My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
~ Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then
beat you with experience.
~ The grass may be greener on the other side, but that's because there
is a lot more manure.
~ We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more
information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my
head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me.
~ Where there is no wonder there is no worship.
~ You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving
~ Your child needs your love the most when they deserve it the least.
~ Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of
God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the
need of God's grace.