I AM

I am that baby who stared my father in the eye immediately after birth, as a premonition of things to come.

I am that baby who could finish a bottle of formula milk in five minutes flat.

I am that baby whose mother dropped her into the deep end of a swimming pool in an attempt to test her belief that all babies could swim.

I am that child who wished for a sibling to share the pain and joys of life, and whose wish never came to pass.

I am that child who caught a lizard with my bare hands and ate it.

I am that child who was torn between two warring parents, did not know who to believe, and ended up with the mindset that I was the cause of it all.

I am that girl who weighed 70kg on a 159cm frame in secondary school.

I am that girl who was depressed enough to comtemplate suicide, yet never courageous enough to carry it out.

I am that girl who was the outcast of the class and of the family. I am the one who developed a facade of happiness so impenetrable that in time, even my own parents came to believe I was content.

I am that girl who was raised an angry, bitter anti-Christian home.

I am the same girl who gave my heart to Jesus in March 1997, and watched myself change over the subsequent years from a pretender to a true possesor of joy.

I am the student who never studied.

I am that student who barely made it through university because of a lack of finances.

I am that woman who was jilted and cheated on, and found out the week before my best friend's wedding where I was the bridesmaid.

I am that woman who has felt utterly left behind as I watch my two best friends walk to the altar.

I am that woman who has learnt that strength is the province of those who choose to continue to walk in their difficult journey.

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