My kind of humour..

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to
their diet.

Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the
lines.

DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it...

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL"?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I drive by again?

Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be out
until further notice.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll eventually get run over if
you just sit there.

Ever wonder why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Ever wonder why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Ever wonder why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Ever wonder why they are called apartments when they are all stuck
together?

Every time I say that dirty word..."EXERCISE"...I wash my mouth out
with chocolate.

Fasting has taught me one Bible memory verse:
That would be Luke 24:41, where Jesus asks His disciples, 'Do you
have anything here to eat?'

I started early teaching my kids the value of a dollar. From then on,
they demanded their allowances in gold.

I thought it would be nice to get a job at a duty-free shop, but it
doesn't sound like there's a whole lot to do in a place like that.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I
want to move in with them.

I worry that if I lose my mind nobody will notice.

If evolution is true, why do mothers still only have one pair of hands?
hands?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others
doing here?

If mother always knows best, what happens when two mothers disagree?

If the shoe fits.... get another one just like it.

I'm still a princess right down to my glass sneakers and enchanted
sweat pants!

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

Old friends are the best - they know everything about you but can't
remember any of it!

Why did Robin Hood rob only the rich? Because the poor had no money.

You're a Star Wars junkie if when trying unsuccessfully to snare that
last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remarked, "The Force is
strong with this one."



Yet, wisdom too, *sometimes..
God loves us not according to how we do but according to who He is.

God will never make you more holy than you want to be.

Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature.

Measure your wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you
have for which you would not take money.

The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess
courage and act accordingly.

The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.

The most impressive Christians are the ones who don't try to impress.

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of
God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the
need of God's grace.