spiritual things

many things have happened over the past few days.. i think enough drama to last me a month or a year. many people may not agree with me, but i seriously think it's spiritual warfare over the past few days. both in terms of cell group and in ministry - i just feel as if there has been a spiritual 'covering' removed and a lot of spiritual oppression is raining down. suffice to say that i feel burdened for cg as i have never been for a long long time, since the last time i was a cg helper *long* time ago.. i have been fortunate to have leaders who have fully released me into ministry, but that also means that i have not been *as iYi says* involved in the CG much. Yeppz, it's true and I admit it.. i do need to get more involved in CG and in the members' lives. felt that i have really let CGL and CG down in this wk.. when we could have stood together, prayed and fasted and triumphed, we have instead 'succumbed' to spiritual attacks and been defeated. that should never be the case! God has already won the victory for us - He is our Jehovah Nissi, banner - we only have to administer the defeat. hunker down, pray and fast more, ahming!

kind of saddened also by something one of my ushers said.. quite a new usher, but he says that he observed that i do not do anything during ushering - ie. during support, because he never sees me around.. as opposed to some other ushers / leaders. i can tell from his voice that he respects me the less for it. i did not know how to explain to him that i have been absent cos i was busy doing other things.. that i was not present and doing support at support area not because i 'jia zhua' but because i have been running around all the time. so i laughed it off.. but in my heart i felt v sad. not because i want pp to esteem me for being very busy - but because i realise that i failed to connect to my own ushers because i have so many commitments. should i cut down? it's an idea i toyed with at the beginning of the year.. to resign from logis, and ask for less responsibility as a team ic - but that is NOT the solution, stepping back and slacking down should not be the response to challenges. I need to increase my capacity once again.. to balance my commitments in usher with connecting to each of my people. Yes, what 80 said to me a few weeks ago is really prophetic.. that i need to be less D and build up relationships with my ushers and fellow team ICs more. so many areas to improve in.. argh.. CAPACITY!!

Let the prayer of Jabez be my cry: "And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" So God granted him what he requested."

Amen..